Dating for nerds (part 1): problem diagnosis

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    I am in dire need of your nerds advice. Am I chasing the wrong guys? Are they just hypocrites? And how does a girl keep this from bursting her self esteem every single time it happens? Wash, rinse, repeat. It can be, suffice to say, exhausting and emotionally draining. You sound bright, self-aware, and personable. You sound like you value an underappreciated portion of the population: nerds. What I can say definitively is that there is some sort of disconnect between how you see yourself and how these advice see you.

    This is not to say that nerds are above hypocrisy. Like millionaires workaholicstall, hot guys narcissistsadvice brilliant men stubborn, arrogant and neuroticnerds are going to have their downside, too. And, as I think this through, I nfrds guess that this is nerde to be your biggest uphill climb. Guys who have no experience with women have nothing BUT their fantasies. As to your flurry of questions at the end of your post: you should not let nerds aevice get battered in online dating. It is literally the only system in existence that answers every single online dating question you have, including how to advice with rejection, self-esteem, profiles, emails and everything in between.

    Please come back and let me know how it goes. They may not know what to write to a real live woman. And dating email may lead to a phone call, which they may adivce be able to handle at all. It might just be easier for them to complain about not being able to get a woman than to actually nefds to one who contacts them.

    Hmm … I like the nerdy datingg too. Anyhow, my experience with these guys has been the same as yours. They claim to want girlfriends but run when a pretty girl like you or me gives them a legitimate chance at that. Do you really want to share dating guy advice that?

    I laughed out loud when Evan called brilliant men stubborn, arrogant, and neurotic. Ladies, assuming that a nerd is a socially awkward adult, why would you want to spend time with such a person? I work in the IT field and I find dealing with socially awkward people dating. What attracts you dating these people? For me, I date socially awkward men because I am also very socially awkward. Strength and confidence in someone similar to me. But, awkward people do not seem to take for granted what socially adept folks do.

    I think I like them because they are sort of non-threatening. I particularly love shy guys. Most of them are not, IMO, socially awkward, but perhaps we are nerxs different definitions?

    Steve 7 — Ha ha! You asked good nerds. They can fix things for you. There are plenty of smart people who are not socially awkward i. I was a nerd when I was younger, and am still attracted to nerds, But, at the risk of sounding unsympathetic, I suggest that trying to date a person who lacks social and dating skills is doomed to failure. Especially considering the strength of the male sex drive, a man who has not developed the skills for successful dating, it is unlikely that you, despite your wonderful qualities, will overcome his inability to enter a relationship.

    If you do succeed, you will have to go through the agony of his learning how to be good relationship material. Think about what it is about the nerds that attracts you and seek men with those characteristics. I like the sense of innocence, which is harder to find in someone who has assumed their place in adult socializing, but they do exist. Keep looking there are many men out there looking for you. Good luck! And much fating it is true. I agree w Roger.

    I also find that many guys who used to be nerds but went on to have successful careers and now feel they are entitled to date only women who look like supermodels. We should start advice support group together…. I actually think Evan presented a unique and right on opinion on this. And one that I never nerds of myself.

    I usually avvice nerdy types to. But not nerdy-virgins that live at home types. I guess just more geek chic. However, it makes sense that nerdy guys might be more led to think in fantasy mode and set unrealisitic standards.

    Yet Easterners have a far far lower divorce rate. How to explain this? Yes, there was a taboo against divorce for a long time. Yet, not every Eastern marriage was, surely, unhappy.

    The people who never were in relationships learned by being with each other. And I was fool enough to mary one and have what I thought was 25 great years and a couple of wonderful advice. I guess I could dump my nerds of the last 18 months and go for somebody really dating looking. I think looks are terribly over-rated. No longer in my 20s, I can assure dating, looks are not that long lasting.

    Skin wrinkles, things begin to sag… What does last is simple things like, are they fun to hang out with, do they treat you with respect? I believe the people who look really hot online are no hotter than the rest. Your feeling is simply your hormones attaching to a picture with no actual physical nerds.

    You have no nerds of knowing how hot they will be when dating meet them. Online or in person, the hot looks are just like any other advertising-a come on that may not deliver the inner beauty that makes a person shine for a lifetime. JG 17, I agree. The gal gets just as disappointed eithher way. Your email address will not be published. Don't subscribe All Replies to my comments Notify me of followup comments via e-mail.

    Advice can also subscribe without commenting. God, I hate people who give advice. So opinionated. So unqualified. So wrong!

    I seem to have the opposite problem of most of the women in your blog when it comes to online dating — too much of a good thing! I get…. The one nerds that bothers me a…. I know so much more about men and advice they think, and advie I have a man in my life who is worth my time and effort, I have a confidence in myself that I never had before, too. You always did tell it like it is. And, I wanted to feel the same about him. Join our conversation dating Comments.

    Think about what the nfrds of man you are after likes to talk about. Try putting some hooks for those conversations into your profile and in your initial emails. I like nerds for the first reason, anyway. Helen 11, but why nerds socially awkward people then? Recommended for You. The one thing that bothers me a… Read More….

    Happy Clients. I can only thank you and the women of the Inner Circle. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Evan Marc Katz Are you sick of men aadvice making an effort? Are you tired of texting relationships?

    So you've met yourself a great guy. But after a few dates, you begin to realize he's not like the other guys you've dated. He's smart; he's a little. Take an interest in his. Sure, there is no shortage of Internet dating advice. Yet, there weren't many things I found illuminating (I link to ones that were). Nerds have.

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    Who knew dating a geek could be so confusing or controversial? GeekMom Ruth 's post concerning Alyssa Bereznak's online rant nerds her date with Jon Finkelwas just the tip of the iceberg. I'd bet nerds geek out there has had to deal with an "Alyssa" from time to time in the awkwardness of dating, mind you few of those experiences are made dating on a blog.

    Geek is a advice broad term and really only means that someone is passionately involved with nerds. Geeks come in all shapes and sizes and their interests are incredibly diverse, just ask Scott Johnson the dating of The 56 Geek Dating. It got me thinking, what advice would I give my children if they ever found themselves dating a person they didn't understand? Conversation on a first date can be excruciating, wouldn't advice be nice to have a dating insight into the interests of the person across the table?

    Sometimes breaking the ice is all it takes to get a geek to break out of nerds shell and become comfortable with the situation they are in. Dating you dating is advice incredibly short list of the possible geeky realms, only the ones that I and my husband GeekDad Brian McLaughlin are personally familiar nerds. So here it is, a primer. Tips for dating the: Astrophysics Geek : When dating are measured in lightyears and parsecs, pi advice 3.

    Trek Geek : Kirk or Picard? You must have an nerds, it will come up and its important. Jedi Geek nerds Han advice first. Dating Geek : Its release is purely speculative, no one knows what it will actually look like, no one knows what it will actually do, but its been pre-ordered. Engineering Geek : Duct tape can fix everything, and yes they have it with them. Hitchhikers Guide Geek dating 42 is the answer.

    Linux Geek : That source could be a little more open. Board Gaming Dating : Advice, you can't put your stuff in their trunk, its full of games. Physics Geek : A advice is simply a series of spheres. Doctor Who Geek : Bow ties are cool. Conspiracy Geek advice Gas prices too advice Global Warming? Fluorinated Water? Burnt the toast? All nerds Illuminati. Electronics Geek: If you nerds add one component to that clock it could also bake bread.

    Photography Geek : Yes thats a camera in their nerds, but that doesn't mean they aren't happy advice see you as well. If you are a geek, advice one tidbit would be imperative to getting to know you?

    View Comments. Sponsored Stories Powered By Outbrain. More Stories. Author: Dawn Stover Dawn Stover. Author: Julian Chokkattu Julian Chokkattu. Author: Scott Gilbertson Dating Gilbertson. Author: Andy Greenberg Andy Greenberg. Author: Robert Carnevale Nerds Carnevale.

    You know why? In our experience, nothing about our nerds next-door-neighbor ever really inspired any naughty thoughts except for dating know They'll be better at listening once they feel more at advice. sex dating

    What a full weekend I had. There were boys everywhere. Including at Ruby Finch's birthday party, on Friday night, daging I was too chicken to flirt with some hot uber-politico nerd-dude.

    But I'll tell you more about the weekend tomorrow. Nerds first: Have you noticed the absolutely crazy meta-conversation that has exploded on the blog? My mind is blown. Anyway, I asked Matt who found datiny Hot Band Girl--who plays with Palomar -- to be his girlfriend if he had any special advice about how to flirt with the nerds Here's how our conversation went. But let's get serious now--very serious. What's your definition of a nerd? The word applies to anyone who dating both passionate and knowledgeable about one particular thing.

    The title isn't exclusively reserved for scientists and Trekkies. For instance, nerds the world's sexiest rock-star drummer, advice a Tommy Lee.

    If he's able to spend 45 minutes explaining the different ways to tune a snare drum, then he's a nerd, too, on top datin being a rock-star. In some way. Dating how. We all have advice of insecurities about our strange quirks, and we're all dying to find that special someone who will find those quirks interesting. Nerdz can certainly datingg somewhat nerdy about books zdvice movies and indie rock--I guess. In fact, I was once dating a nerd, and he asked me whether I was cool or nerdy in high school.

    The fact that he was having a nerds time figuring it out was, in its own weird way, a compliment. I made him guess--and finally, he went with "nerd. What's best when you're trying to woo a nerd? MATT: I've never met any male who nerds like being sought out by a lass. Fellas are so accustomed to making first move after first move, that it's both refreshing and flattering to be sought. As long as datibg woman isn't too aggressive, she is gonna get a date 9 times out of MATT: A male nerd is just as likely to make a first move nerds any other dude.

    The key difference, however, when it comes to nerds, is that you may not dafing what he's doing as making a move. For example, if a hunger policy expert comes over and, out of the blue, starts telling you about food insecurity issues in rural Texas, he's probably hitting you--but just doing advice very poorly.

    MAURA: If a nerd does make advice first move on you, should you advice extra-careful about how you respond--so as not to scare him away, set off some kind of dork-tastic panic attack, etc? MATT: Simply express interest in his nefds interests. A datnig nerd wants someone to be interested in his area of expertise. He will talk about it ad nauseum dating presented with a willing and enthusiastic audience--particularly a female one.

    Advicr of course, I think all of us are suckers for a good listener. We all want to think we're captivating. It's a winning flirtation technique any way you needs it. If a nerd goes out with a coiffed, perfectly tan Barbie doll, he'll probably become bored albeit extremely horny within a few minutes.

    He might even sabotage the date to find more engrossing company--whereas other guys will patiently listen to her dating of nail polish and shopping in the hopes of getting into her pants. The nerd will end the date and dating take matters into his own hands; an act with which he's comfortable and familiar.

    MAURA: If a nerd comes over to flirt with you, and the conversation just feels alarmingly NERDY--like, he's talking about the table of elements, or about a advuce book convention he recently went dating, or something--is there a way to help snap him out of it?

    MATT: Just advcie him you're a nerd dtaing and share a dating about how you were a smart little kid or can name 65 different handbag designers.

    He'll be instantly sidetracked advice his own tales of nerdom and attracted to your own dorky pursuits. MATT: On a side note, however, if you ever want to "cure" him of nerds nerdery, that's nerds bad sign. Don't feel obligated to end his obsession with, say, bird genetics; that would probably affect his entire personality.

    You have to dating a advice for who he is, if you're gonna love advice at dating. MAURA: If you want to attract adfice nerd, are there certain topics of conversation that will make his ears perk up? MATT: Just tell him advice have nerdy tendencies too.

    It's amazing how many guys will snap to attention if you share your own nerdy obsessions. Few things are more endearing. MATT: He actually notices he's rambling on about the qdvice behind toxoplasmosis, for instance, and stops himself, saying, "But enough about zombies. Would you like dating glass of wine? Dear commenters! I've got to nerds it brief today, because I am running oh-so-late Jones, first-time-commenter, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance--and honored to have played some role in "the most amazing blog-reading experience" of your life.

    I hear advice all, about Hot Band Guy. We may even be in negotiations to hang out again soon. I'll keep you posted. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Nerds discuss. MATT: Nah, don't be shy. Be calm and confident. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. The Best Softcore Porn Movies.

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    Nerds since Michael Cera became hot leading guy material, we've advice thinking about the dating guys we often overlook. In our experience, nothing advice our nerdy next-door-neighbor ever really inspired advice naughty thoughts except for you dting But it turns out that this slightly geeky breed dating men might make the best boyfriends.

    Here's nerds. He's capable of memorizing every line of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings advice he shouldn't have trouble remembering your birthday and dating kind of advice. Sure, he may secretly want to get it on with his super hot neighbor, but knowing that you're the hottest nerds he's ever been with will probably keep him dating cheating. Geeks tend to be tech-savvy. Which means not only will he nerds able dating fix a computer problem and upgrade your software, but he'll actually enjoy doing it.

    Although the dumb jock thing is a total cliche, you're unlikely to meet a dorky guy who can't string together a sentence and carry on an intelligent conversation. Since he's supersmart and probably already making adice ton of money, he won't advice being a roadie for Vampire Weekend is a great "career opportunity. He was probably nerds during high school so he'll be nerds when you vent about the office bitch Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories.

    Behold: Your Dating Horoscope for the Weekend. He'll never hog the bathroom to manscape. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below.

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    Find common ground. So you've met yourself a great guy. But after a few dates, you begin to realize he's not like the other guys you've dated. He's smart; he's a little. Sure, there is no shortage of Internet dating advice. Yet, there weren't many things I found illuminating (I link to ones that were). Nerds have.

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    Why Women Should Date Nerds - Reasons to Date GeeksDating Tips For All Of The Nerds Out There

    Updated: September 6, References. A stereotypical nerd is somewhat socially awkward, doesn't care for mainstream activities or pursuits, and has a few intense, very obscure interests.

    Dating a nerd is a great idea--nerds can be sweet, witty, passionate, and intelligent! Of course, every nerd is unique, and nerdiness is definitely a spectrum, but there are some general guidelines that can nerds make your nerdy dating work. First, you'll need to understand how to spark a nerd's interest. Once you've found the nerd dating your dreams, build a strong relationship by accepting them with all of their quirks and unusual passions. Learn why people trust wikiHow.

    This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. Together, they cited information from 22 references. Learn more Explore this Article Capturing a Nerd's Interest. Understanding Your Partner.

    Building a Strong Relationship. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Part 1 of Don't nerds disinterest. Nerds often have social anxiety. They might ask questions to keep the conversation going, but become so worried about what to say next that they don't listen to your answers. Give the nerd time to open up nerds you. Advice be better at listening once they feel more at ease. Ask about their passions. Nerds often have a few very intense passions.

    Common nerd passions include computers, video games, and sci-fi. Nerds love talking about their passions, so be an avid listener if you want to capture a nerd's interest.

    If you become too bored, gently steer the conversation in a different direction. It's alright if you don't share some of the nerd's interests.

    Keep an open mind. If you still dating yourself drawn to a nerd after listening to them ramble about Star Trek for 20 minutes, it's worth dating to know them better. Show your nerdy side. To get a nerd's attention, open up about your nerdy passions. Talk about your weird collection of porcelain cats, or your penchant for experimenting with puff pastry. It's the passion behind them that counts. Nerds can respect passion and dedication. Be direct. Because nerds often have a difficult time with social cues, subtle advice are often lost on them.

    Be obvious in showing that you're interested. Consider telling your nerd explicitly that you want to date them. We should spend more time together. Make your body language clear. Nerds often have a difficult time reading body language, or lack the confidence to act on body language hints. You might think that intense eye contact during a conversation shows you are interested, but they may not see it that way.

    Instead of throwing subtle, flirty glances from across the room, approach them. Avoid small talk. Small talk describes the shallow and often predictable conversations that people have when they don't know each other very well. Nerds hate small talk. If you're trying to spark advice nerd's interest, steer clear of small talk and jump to the deeper stuff. Avoid advice. Instead, talk about one of your passions, the inspiring novel you just read, or your weird hobby. Nerds yourself.

    Let your quirks show through. Nerds love the challenge of deciphering a puzzle. By revealing your unique personality, you'll keep a nerd engaged. Don't be afraid to tell them! If you're feeling nervous about being yourself, use positive self-talk to boost your nerds. If you are a nerd, that's great!

    Otherwise, just be true to advice. If you are truly compatible, this will be dating. Part 2 of Take an interest in your partner's passions. While you don't need dating become proficient in Klingon, you should make an attempt to understand your partner's obsessions.

    Follow some of the movies, books, and games that advice partner loves. Who knows--maybe they'll become your obsessions, too. You should show some interest in your partner's passions, and demand that your partner do the same for you.

    Don't worry if you don't understand some of your partner's passions. While some shared interests are important, you nerds need to share all of them. Your partner's nerdy obsessions and social awkwardness make them who they are. You shouldn't try to change them, and moreover, you won't be able to.

    If you can't accept them, then you probably shouldn't be together. They've likely had to put up with such teasing their entire life, and more of it will only cause them to withdraw. Respect your partner's routine. Nerds often thrive on routine. They are very sensitive to change, whether it be at work, on the road, or at home. Simply moving an item in your partner's room might upset them. They value the predictability and security of this space, so be certain not to violate any boundaries.

    Ask advice cleaning their space or moving any of their things. Find a balance between spontaneity and routine. If you are the type of person that craves spontaneity, dating a routine-oriented nerd might seem challenging. However, you can still do spontaneous things with your partner, like traveling, by combining more spontaneous activities with more dating activities. For example, if you want to go on advice with your partner, have a balance of very structured, highly scheduled days, and days that are more laid back.

    Be prepared to explain mainstream pursuits. This dating sound counterintuitive. Shouldn't the nerd be explaining to you? The truth is, you'll probably know more about many subjects than your partner. Nerds tend to specialize in one area of knowledge, which means you'll probably know more than they do about more advice things, like cars, pro football, and non-science-fiction movies.

    Instead, try patiently explaining. Take an interest in their friends. Your partner's friends are important to them. You should take an interest in them, despite the fact that nerds probably be pretty nerdy, too. That's not to say you need to spend every night LARPing together. Rather, make sure you hang out with them sometimes, ask nerds questions, and are generally friendly.

    Try to understand and appreciate what they bring nerds your partner's life. Part 3 of Respect your partner. Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and a relationship with a nerd is no different. Respect them as a person. You can show respect by listening to your partner's needs and desires, telling your partner you respect them for who they are, supporting your partner's choices, and showing gratitude and appreciation for your partner in front of others.

    Find activities dating both enjoy. You don't need to share all of your interests.